I stared in growing disbelief at the paraphernalia that came with the invite when Hugo Boss delivered them to my doorstep. And this was just for the day before the F1 Grand Prix.

The impressive, encoded blue tag to be worn at all times was fine and dandy. The ear plugs were nifty and useful. But the 18-page, terms and conditions booklet, which explained in detail what was expected of guests, was not.

What floored me was rule #12, which stated, “These terms and conditions are governed by English law and the parties agree to submit to the exclusive jurisdiction of the English courts”!

Being meek and mild, I made sure I would adhere to “the instructions of the Australian Grand Prix Corporation, Vodafone and McLaren personnel”. I was not sure how “to behave in an appropriate manner at all times” but figured if I refrained from streaking, I should be fine. One of the minor pleasures being a VIP guest in the Paddock Club is that we were waited upon hand and foot by white, mostly blonde Europeans. Locals were also employed but the majority were members of the catering team who travelled the entire Formula One juggernaut, circuit to circuit.

At the Paddock's asking price of US$3,000 (RM10,500) per person, I expect to be bathing in Mumm champagne. To enter the lower lobby, I had to click my tag twice. Half a dozen personnel stood smiling at the entrance. They station this many staff lest one tries to allow a friend in. Once one has entered, the tag would be of no use if one were to throw it from the balcony to a waiting friend. He would be unable to use it because the tag hadn't been used for exiting.

In the welcome foyer, I ordered ice cream and croissants for breakfast. You get unlimited food, soft drinks and hard liquor and you can park yourself at the bar and do nothing but drink yourself silly – except that wouldn't be “appropriate behaviour”. There were also complimentary foot massages and two cartoonists who would draw caricatures of visitors. A gamelan troupe entertained. At the entrance of Vodafone McLaren Mercedes VIP Suite, I had to show my tag again to have part of the Hugo Boss label removed before I was given a goody bag of limited edition cap, leather bag, more ear plugs in a sleek key holder and designer sling-bag.

The main lure inside was the air-conditioning; it was hot outside. The floor-to-ceiling glass windows afforded spectacular views of the track. Strategically placed TV screens and full, live commentary allowed guests to see and hear what was going on during the races.

After the obligatory photos were taken, it was more wining and dining. At one corner was a Canon printer where we could print all our photos gratis on the spot. This was rather thoughtful of the organisers. Guests who turned up at 10am met Briton Lewis Hamilton and reigning two-time world champion Fernando Alonso of Spain briefly during their Drivers' Appearance. Those who arrived late had to be content with posing with two life-sized photos of the drivers. The Practice Session was from 11am to noon, followed by lavish lunch. Uniformed staff wearing gloves served prawns in crispy filo baskets, while the buffet table offered fillet of beef, swordfish and salmon, truffled mascarpone ravioli, chicken and lamb satay, salads and cheese.

We were given a green tag which had to be pressed twice against a computerised stand before we could enter the holy of holies. And there were Hamilton and Alonso again, deep in discussion with their managers. We could view the garage in its entirety but could not pass the red line at the entrance. Fearing we would beg them to pose with us again, the pair beat a hasty retreat into the recesses, safe from prying eyes and flashing cameras.

Each group was taken individually to the garage by a team of five headed by Englishman Simon Points, 50. A Sponsorship Manager, Points has been with Vodafone Mclaren Mercedes since 2000 when he gave up his director's job at ad agency BBDO in London.

Pointing to his shirt and pants he says, “Hugo Boss has been a sponsor for the last 25 years and supplies all the crew with state-of-the-art performance clothing.

See these three vents on each of my shoulders and the long vent running down my running pants? They allow air to circulate inside my body, keeping me fresher longer.

“Each car must weigh less than 605kg, which means every kilo counts! This is why the drivers are so slim and tough. Their fat ratio to body mass is incredible. I think each weighs around 70 kg only due to their vigorous training programme,” said Points.

“One of the things they have to do is carry weights around their necks even while watching TV. This strengthens their neck muscles so they can throw themselves around the corners and cope with the terrifying G forces.

“Each crash helmet contains some water, which the driver can drink from a hidden straw. But really this is inconsequential as he is so focused, worrying about thirst during the one and half 1½ hours race is the last thing on his mind,” Points remarked.

“In Shanghai and Tokyo, for example, Hugo Boss throws spectacular parties attended by their drivers who mingle with the guests, so these are extra special.

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